WARNING: This article may affect those who have experienced sexual violence or know someone affected by it.
Cat Bodden, who was sexually abused by a family member as a child, never imagined she would work with convicted sex offenders.
But that’s what she’s done for the better part of a decade, in an effort to understand the mind of a pedophile.
“I had questions I wanted to ask offenders. I had questions that I needed to understand why this happened. That was where I was in my healing journey 10 years ago,” she told CBC Radio’s Ideas.
In 2017, Bodden met a convicted sex offender who CBC has agreed to call Stan.
Stan was a participant in a program at Community Justice Initiatives (CJI), a restorative justice organization in Kitchener, Ont., aimed at supporting convicted sex offenders so that once they get out of prison, they don’t re-offend.
(CBC agreed to use a pseudonym for Stan for three reasons: the pain that naming him could have on his victims; the possibility his family could be targeted; and the potential Stan himself could be harmed if his name were made public.)
Bodden, 63, says she began volunteering at CJI in 2013 because she felt that talking to offenders might offer answers — and healing — that she couldn’t find elsewhere. Her own offender is dead.
Stan’s reason for being at CJI was simply to stop himself from doing it again. In 2016, he pleaded guilty to seven sex-related charges involving five minors, and was sentenced to 29 months in prison. After the initial charges were laid, an additional victim came forward with a complaint from the same time period, for which Stan was also convicted and received a conditional sentence.
“I wish I went for help sooner. When things came to light … meaning the harm that I caused stopped, they were the best days of my life,” he said. “And I hope for years to come that I don’t hurt anybody again.”
Child sexual abuse is preventable. It’s not inevitable.– Dr. Allyn Walker
Since they first met, Bodden and Stan have become volunteers for a new CJI program that launched in 2022. In it, they sit in as surrogates and share their lived experience as survivors and offenders to answer questions and help CJI clients heal from their own traumas.
“So if the participant is a survivor, they could talk to somebody who’s caused harm. If they’re somebody who’s caused harm, they could talk to a survivor,” said Jenn Beaudin, the program’s co-ordinator when Ideas visited CJI in early 2024.
It’s one of a growing number of programs that focus on preventing child sexual abuse. Along the way, it’s helping foster meaningful conversations about a type of offence much of society considers unforgivable.
Distinguishing pedophilia from sex offences
In 2021, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto launched Talking for Change, a federally funded initiative offering assessment, psychotherapy and a helpline for people who want to address or control their attraction to minors.
The 16- to 20-week program based in Toronto offers therapy with social workers, or group therapy. The phone help line is anonymous and offered in Atlantic Canada, Ontario, Quebec and Nunavut for people 18 years or older.
“Typically, we are the first people they have ever told. They feel like monsters. They feel like no one would understand,” said Dr. Ainslie Heasman, a psychologist at CAMH who developed the program.
The idea of stopping potential sex offenders before they cause harm runs counter to conventional thinking that the only way to address child sex abuse is to punish an offender after the fact, says Dr. Allyn Walker, an assistant professor in the department of criminology at Saint Mary’s University in Halifax.
“Child sexual abuse is preventable. It’s not inevitable,” said Walker.
Get the help before you do the offence. People may have a hard time with me saying that.– Cat Bodden
A key part of prevention is understanding that while “pedophile” and “sex offender” are related terms, they do not mean the same thing, says Heasman.
“Pedophilia specifically is a sexual attraction or sexual preference for prepubescent children,” said Heasman.
Some pedophiles don’t want to hurt minors, and never act on their attractions, she said. Plus, not all people who sexually harm children are pedophiles.
In his 2008 book Pedophilia and Sexual Offending Against Children, Canadian psychologist Michael Seto wrote that roughly 40 to 50 per cent of people who commit sexual offences against minors aren’t sexually attracted to them. Heasman said factors such as impulsivity, substance use, antisocial tendencies or loneliness may explain some of the offences.
What’s more, says Walker, between 50 and 70 per cent of sexual offences against prepubescent children are committed by fellow minors — with the peak age of offenders being 14. This often stems from a lack of education about sexual behaviour and consent for adolescents.
In 2021, Walker, who is transgender and a former sexual assault victims counsellor, published A Long, Dark Shadow: Minor-Attracted People and Their Pursuit of Dignity. For the book, Walker interviewed 42 adult pedophiles who had never abused a minor and were doing their best to contain their urges.
“I found out they wanted to be able to protect children. They wanted to make responsible choices,” Walker said. “They wanted to be good people.”
The book gained widespread attention in the U.S. Conservative commentator Tucker Carlson mocked Walker on Fox News, while comedian Colin Jost joked about the book on Saturday Night Live.
It led to personal attacks on social media that accused Walker of advocating for sexual abuse, and often zeroed in on their trans identity.
“There were a lot of transphobic messages…. They, you know, wrote about me having a gay or trans agenda,” Walker said. “They also made threats against children in my family, which was pretty terrifying.”
Mandatory reporting laws
Canada, like most countries, has laws that require anyone who suspects a person is sexually harming or could sexually harm a child to report those concerns to child protection services. That includes if the person has sexually harmed a child in the past.
Heasman says these mandatory reporting laws — specifically, their requirement to report past offences against children — have had an unintended consequence: they can prevent pedophiles from seeking help.
“It paradoxically and unfortunately could further drive individuals underground, promote secrecy and [a] feeling like they’re all alone and have no one to talk to, and hence don’t reach out to get the help that they would need,” she said.
Mandatory reporting laws are one reason Stan never sought help until after he was arrested.
“I couldn’t go to my doctor, because the doctor would have to report it,” Stan said. “I don’t want to go to jail.”
Germany is one country that’s taken a different approach.
“According to German law, it is considered a breach of confidentiality for the treating therapist if he would report to the police something about committed child sexual abuse in the past,” said Dr. Klaus Beier, a sexologist in Berlin.
Beier is the driving force behind a prevention program called Dunkelfeld, which translates to “dark field” — in other words, “all these cases not known to the legal authorities,” he said.
It had to overcome significant public skepticism when it was introduced in 2005, but Dunkelfeld has since expanded to 12 branches across Germany.
Beier calls mandatory reporting laws like those in Canada “a mistake” when it comes to stopping future sexual abuse.
“Of course, it’s very much driven by emotional thinking, and it’s hard to face these problems,” he said. “I know that very, very well, but from a preventive perspective, it’s really wrong.”
Why help former offenders at all?
Stan knows many people would never support helping a pedophile, especially one who has admitted to past offences.
“I understand that. I don’t agree with it,” he said. “Someday, the person will get out of jail. I deserved to be punished. [After that,] you work with people that can help you to control your mind.”
“I hope the day that I die that somebody says, ‘There is a recovered sex offender,’ at my funeral,” Stan said, holding back tears. “That’s what I hope for.”
Bodden says she’s not against sending sex offenders to prison, but doesn’t believe incarceration alone will fix the problem.
“Get the help before you do the offence. People may have a hard time with me saying that,” she said.
“I do not want anybody to go through this experience that I went through, and if [the way to] solve the problem is to get the help before the offence happens, then let’s do it that way.”